The Ramper Diet

    We have two steadfast rules to our diet: 1) You buy it, we'll eat it; 2) You make it, we'll drink it.

COFFEE

     All year round and 24/7, we drink coffee. Fancy $6/cup drinks, Starbucks, something that originated in a silver bag, or a cup right out of the vending machine. (which I still believe to be a combination of Jet-A and rust) As the years have passed, I have become more of a coffee snob but I do remember the days of endless doubles when any coffee was welcome. Once a pot is started, we wait until just enough has dripped then we pour ourselves a cup. This can be potent and I contend could be lethal in a concentrated form. It's so strong it's not even black or brown any longer, it has a burnt orange hue and will bring tears to your eyes if brought too near; yet we ingest this magic fluid into our bodies. Then, if that's not bad enough, we reheat the stuff! If we take a sip then have to run out to work a flight, we save the orange potion to reheat in the microwave when we get back inside. We drink several cups in this manner then at the end of the day recite every other possible reason as to why we do not feel well. What's wrong with us? We save the deadly concoction for one simple reason; it was free.

FOOD

     Nothing excites a ramper more than free stuff, and when that stuff is food, we are elated. It doesn't matter what kind of food we see, we just know that we want it. I've eaten some things that I still can't identify. I've given this some thought and have come up with a few reasons that may explain this phenomenon. First, when many of us started on the ramp we existed on a salary that provided for Top Ramen 13 days a pay period. You see, on payday, we stopped at Whataburger on the way home after a double, as we longed so desperately for any semblance of meat. Given those circumstances, if anyone ever walked into the break room and started to ask, "You want....?", we said yes, not even knowing what we were being offered; we just knew it wasn't Top Ramen. Although we now earn a decent wage, I believe, to some extent, that mindset has remained and we will never let something free pass us by.

     Another reason may be that we have the mindset of a family. Think about this; we play (work) together, watch TV together, fight like heck one minute and laugh like hell the next, pick on each other to no end, and yes, we eat together. Now, if 15 guys are at a table and someone brings in a dozen donuts, are you really going to let your little brother get one while you come out empty handed? You're going to fight for any little crumb you can get.

     The third conclusion is sheer laziness. On our Mondays, we're pretty well prepared. The night before we pack a nice lunch and have it all ready to grab in the morning. After that, the week goes down the drain. We come home tired, stinky, and hungry. After we shower and eat, the tired takes over and it's lights out. There's no time or motivation to pack a lunch and because of a lengthy nap on the couch, bed time gets pushed back a few hours and we all know what that leads to; getting up late. We do the minus 15 routine and live off the vending machines. Ah yes, we do love the Strawberry Pop-Tarts. This goes on all week causing the Pop-Tarts to lose their allure, so if even a hint of free food nears the break room, we're all in. 

     

That, my friends, is the story of a ramper's dinner table.