"You'd know him if you saw him"

Our Nameless Friends

Ever find yourself talking with a few guys about someone else (of course you have) but you have no idea who they are talking about? Then you ask, "Do I know this guy?" The response is inevitably, "Sure you do, he's the young kid with baggy pants." That sure narrows it down. Working in a field station, this does not come up too often, but when you work in a hub with over 1,000 rampers, remembering everyone's name is problematic at best. "The young kid with baggy pants" might cut things in half. Other common, but useless in Phoenix, descriptions include: The tall, skinny Mexican guy; the old white guy that looks like he needs a bath; the obnoxious girl in yoga pants; the really strong Islander; the lazy guy who only does the water. I know you have heard these descriptions, which are usually followed by, "You'd know him if you saw him." Would I? With the large turnover in our industry and the seemingly continual mergers, it can be hard to log so many names in our cranial memory banks. We all face this conundrum yet due to societal mores, we cannot bring ourselves to ask someone his name.
     Tell me this hasn't happened to you: You're walking down the hall or across the ramp and someone who is walking towards you looks you straight in the eye and says,"hi, [your name here]." You've seen this person a hundred times, probably even ate together once or twice, but you have not one clue as to his name. If you can look busy and keep walking, everything will be fine. However, if this guy wants to chat and you can't get away, you need to be creative. Here come the acrobatics; you must catch a glimpse of his SIDA badge without him noticing. If they use a lanyard, it's not too bad, you simply bend you head down, pretend you have something in your eye and squint a peek at his name. Now, if the nameless socialite is wearing an arm band, you have trouble. You have to remember, this person has done the same thing so can easily catch you in the act. Leaning sideways is out of the question. I've had some luck with pretending to stretch my neck but have found that the safest bet is the "my shoe is bugging me," routine. You have to bend down to the shoe opposite the badged arm, i.e.: right arm means you bend to left shoe. You have to hunch your shoulder up a bit to block your eye and then catch a very quick look at the badge. There is no room or time for error. If you are still unsure, don't take any chances; just say, "Catch you later, bro" and you're all set. Bro, hon, sweetie, or babe are all acceptable nouns to be used in place of a name if you want to omit the acrobatics. The bottom line is this; it happens to us all. We suck jet fuel all day and have all done our share of sleep-deprived, consecutive doubles thereby rendering us all less than mentally stellar. Until next time, bro.